Anal play

Anal play is regarded as one of the most taboo areas of sexual activity and is an area that is not often discussed. There are many misconceptions and myths in our society about anal sex and consequently it is often hard to get access to clear comprehensive information. There are still some countries where anal sex between consenting adults is illegal...

Pleasurable anal sex has been enjoyed between couples for centuries and the health benefits of practicing anal sex are recognized in many Eastern cultures. We find it is a topic that people often ask about and a lot of people tell us that they have experienced anal sex in a negative way. This is often because people do not have good information about how to have pleasurable anal sex.

Both men and women of all sexualities can enjoy and get a lot of pleasure from anal play. Many men are reluctant to discuss, try or admit that they enjoy anal sex for fear of being mistaken as gay. Statistically, most research reveals that about 30% of married couples in Western cultures are experimenting with anal play or regularly incorporate anal play into their sex life. In New Zealand, that equates to many hundreds of thousands of couples.

Common myths and misconceptions about anal sex

Anal sex is unnatural or immoral. Sex is an adult's opportunity for play and intimacy. There are many areas of the body that are sensitive to touch and stimulation and the anal area is one of them. This area for both women and men is rich in nerve endings and for men the male g-spot is accessed anally.
Anal sex is painful. Anal sex is not painful if it is practiced with clear, communication, lubricant and correct technique. Indeed it is usually highly pleasurable.
Anal sex is dirty. Because the rectum is our body's channel of elimination, it is assumed that anal sex is dirty and messy. The body actually empties the rectum with elimination and there are some basic ways to ensure anal sex is clean and hygienic.
Anal sex is physically harmful or dangerous. In fact practicing safe anal sex can enhance anal health.
Only gay men have anal sex and that if a straight man is interested in anal sex it means he's gay. This is an assumption based on a mainstream cultural belief that 'real' sex must involve vaginal intercourse. In fact many gay men do not engage in anal sex and a huge number of heterosexual men enjoy receiving and giving anal sex.

Is anal sex pleasurable for women and for men?

The anal area is a highly erogenous zone for both women and men, and is rich with nerve endings. This makes it sensitive to touch and stimulation. The rectum is elastic and can relax and stretch with stimulation. For men, stimulation of the prostate gland can be sensational - this is known as the male G-spot. It is important to be aware of the receptive person's pleasure when practicing anal sex. It is important that you trust the person you are making love with and that there is clear communication between you.

For many people the fact that anal play is regarded as a so called 'forbidden practice' makes it all the more erotically charged.

External stimulation can be pleasurable on the perineum and around the anal opening. Penetration may be pleasurable with the fingers, a butt plug, dildo, vibrator or a penis.

Anal stimulation is often pleasurable when incorporated with other forms of sex such as oral sex and many women enjoy double penetration

Basic rules for anal sex

Communicate - talk about introducing anal play into your lovemaking.
Make sure it is something you both choose to do and discuss any fears or concerns.
Make sure the receptive partner has been to the toilet beforehand.
Always use plenty of water-based lubricant, as the anal area is not self-lubricating.
Start with either fingers or a small silicone butt plug. Wear latex gloves and keep nails short. Any sex toy that is used anally needs to have a flared base so that part of the toy remains outside the body at all times. Use condoms on toys for ease of cleaning and smoothness.
Never go from anal to vaginal sex without changing the condom or washing the sex toy.
Stimulate the external anal area with lubricant to relax the muscles.
When you begin to penetrate, the two sphincter muscles will contract. Penetrate a few centimetres then wait for the muscles to relax for about 10-30 seconds. Repeat slowly. If the muscles tense up, wait for them to relax again. Check in with your partner and if they experience any pain stop and wait for the muscles to relax.
Make sure you allow time for anal play - it is not generally an activity you do quickly.

Sex toys for anal play

A buttplug is a toy that is designed to be gently inserted into the anus to give a full sensation. It has an oval or flared base to sit between the buttocks. A buttpug feels pleasurable to have inserted while you are being pleasured in other ways. They come in many different shapes and sizes. We recommend silicone as it is totally non-porous and safe. Buttplugs are also made from vinyl, acrylic and stainless steel.
Vibrating buttplug - there are some excellent vibrating anal toys available. Vibration can feel incredible on the nerve endings and can be great for relaxing the anal muscles.
Some vibrators can be used anally but they must have a flared base. Remember to use a condom.
Silicone dildos are popular for anal play as they can be hand held or strapped on with a harness. Most of our dildo/harness customers are heterosexual couples. Often they intend that she will be strapping it on to pleasure him.
Anal beads are a string of beads that often graduate in size. We recommend silicone as it is a soft material. Gently insert each bead into the anus. These are designed to be pulled out at the point of orgasm. This feels great! The pelvic floor muscles contract during orgasm and they run in a figure 8 around the anus so this will increase the intensity of the orgasm AND contraction of the pelvic floor muscles.

Anal health

It is important to make sure that your intestines are healthy and that you have regular bowel movements. Your rectum will usually totally empty with each bowel movement.

If you have eaten strawberries, berries or any foods with small seeds such as poppy or sesame, engaging in anal sex may irritate the bowl. Allow 36-48 hours before anal play in this instance.

It is advisable to wash the anal area externally prior to anal play.

It is not necessary to wash internally, although some people may prefer to have an anal douche. There are kits available to do this which cleanse the rectum with warm water. Attachments are also available which attach to the shower. It is not advisable to douche the rectum too regularly.

People are often concerned that anal sex will stretch the anal muscles and cause incontinence. The anal muscles are like all muscles - the more you work them the stronger they get. Anal sex can actually strengthen the anal muscles as long as it is practiced safely.

Stimulation and massage of the prostate for men is beneficial for the health of the prostate gland. Prostate massage has been practiced by Asian cultures for centuries for men's prostate and reproductive health.