Hello, you are not alone! For the first few times you use the balls, if your muscles are a bit out of shape you may need to hold the SmartBalls in consciously. We recommend wearing tight underwear and wearing the balls for short periods of time, holding them in for as long as you can. Then take them  out and try the next day and so on until your muscle tone is enough that they will stay in.

Try using just a little lubricant. The sensation you will get is a feeling of bearing down, so it can also feel like the balls are slipping out, this sensation eases as your muscle tne improves. It should not take too long so perserve! If this is not owrking for you, we have the SmartBalls Uno, just one ball that you can start with then move back to the double set.

Hi Peta

We won't have the spray again for a while, however check out Innuendo, a natural muscle relaxant in a gel form that is very effective. We recommend that you purchase an enema made for the purpose as a home made job has risks associated with it particularly around water pressue which can harm the delicate membrane in the anus.

Enema's are relatively inexpensive and reusable. Keep checking the site for these products as they are popular and if out of stock come back in frequently.

Dear pandaneedshelp

If you have had a look further through this column you will see that you are definitely not alone, women wanting to know how to orgasm is our most asked about subject. Have a good read through these questions and answers, you will probably identify yourself within many of them and hopefully you will be inspired to try some new and exciting things.

We do have a wonderful natural libido enhancer Lavigra. This product can help pep you up and enhance your chances of having those elusive orgasms. You could also get some great fun ideas and information by listening in to our D.VICE advice radio shows about female orgasm.

Have you ever had an orgasm at all? If so, how did that come about? As they say 'different strokes for different folks' and in this case, it can be so true. Finding out what presses your buttons, should be half the adventure. Have you ever masturbated? Many women discover what turns them on by stimulating themselves in different ways, using different stokes and techniques! Many women need clitoral stimulation of some kind to orgasm, so you need to ask yourself, is my clit getting the real attention it needs? Have you and partner (and I am going to assume they are male) tried a vibrating cockring like the Tuatara. Cockrings can help provide that often much needed clitoral stimulation during intercourse. If you use this toy while in the 'on top' position, you can determine the amount of pressure and stimulation you want.Using a good water based lubricant like Yes or Probe is always a good way to go with any kind of sexual stimulation and especially if you're having lots of it.

Another great product you might like to try is Purr Gel. Have a read through the rave reviews on this product. As well as enhancing the sensation of orgasm for those women who have experienced orgasm already, Purr Gel helps to promote responsiveness by encouraging the blood vessels to dilate and thereby causing the clit to become more fully aroused which enhances the chances of experiencing orgasm for those who may not have done so yet.

All the best and good luck!

Dear Scared Virgin

One of the best ways to overcome your fears about sex is to educate yourself - not only about sex and sexuality, but also about what turns you on and makes you feel good! Knowing what makes yourself feel good when playing solo will make it much more likely that you'll have a good time when having sex with someone else as well. Check out the D.VICE Advice radio shows which offer a wealth of sexual techniques and advice. Also reading through questions in this section from other women in a similar situation may provide some great tips.

Often we expect guys to take charge during sex and to know what to do. In reality even young guys with some sexual experience may not have enough sexual knowledge to know how to pleasure you. Many young men learn about sex from watching porn which actually gives a very unrealistic idea about what sex is and what most women find pleasurable. Also there is a lot of ego associated with sexual experience for guys so many will not be nearly as informed as they would have you believe.

Many young people still believe that sex is intercourse –penetration of the vagina with a guy’s penis. Sex play includes a whole range of activities and the primary purpose is for you to both pleasure each other. For most women the main area of sexual pleasure is the clitoris and most women require direct clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. The clitoris is often not stimulated during intercourse so sex play needs to incorporate stimulation of your clitoris –by rubbing against him, stimulation with the fingers, orally or many women enjoy vibration. If you know what kind of clitoral stimulation you enjoy you can then direct him –don’t expect him to be a mind reader!

Often your first experience of penetration with another person can be scary which is why experimenting with self pleasure (masturbation) is a great idea. When you do have sex with a guy make sure you are really turned on before penetration and even if you are nervous ask him to go slow and focus on relaxing your vaginal muscles. Even though you produce your own natural lubrication adding a quality water-based lubricant such as Probe is essential and will greatly enhance your experience of penetration. Lubricant is also important to use with condoms. Also you need to make sure you are informed and prepared in terms of safe sex gear both to prevent unwanted pregnancy but also avoid catching a nasty STI.
The D.VICE Advice radio show on Safe Sex would be a good place to ensure you are informed about safe sex.

If you want to know more about sex with others and how to do it, then we have some excellent how-to guides and manuals to help you. Have a look at our non-fiction section to see our full range. Of particular use is the Great Sex Guide, which is ideal if you're just starting out.

If you're wanting to spend more time learning your own body and what turns you on, then try checking out some of these. Reading erotica can be an aid to arousing you. And masturbating using a vibrating bullet or beginner's vibrator can help you figure out what you like as well. They're not too overwhelming, and are a classic aid to orgasmic fun.

Above all, don't have sex with someone unless you're ready to. It doesn’t matter how old you are when you first have sex with another person –the time needs to be right for you. If you take the time to learn about how your body works and know what you find pleasurable you’ll be that much better equipped to share this with another person. Talk about it with your partner, share any concerns or worries you might have, and make sure they know what you like - and that you know what they like! Great communication can lead to great sex, or at the very least an experience that's less stressful and scary.

Enjoy!

Dear audio pleasure seeker

While we don't sell audio books at D.VICE, we do have a great range of erotic books - why not snuggle up in bed with your partner and have them read aloud to you? Many women find that hearing their partner reading to them is very arousing, and leads to bonding as well as bonking! Perhaps he could tease you with some luscious stories of anal eroticism, or perhaps fantasise with a few three way erotic stories?

One of the great things about being read to, rather than reading yourself, is that your hands are free. You can take advantage of that freedom to increase your arousal, perhaps by rocking on your or tickling your insides with the deluxe Dolphin Pearl. And then, once you're raring to jump him and he's tired out from talking ... well, then it's up to the two of you!

Enjoy you aural pleasure journey!

Dear yOga

The type of orgasm you're achieving during your workouts is sometimes known as a 'core orgasm' - and I'm delighted you're having them! So far as getting the same results during sex, a good starting point is to mimic some of the movements you're doing at the gym. A lot of that core tension appears to come from the tightening of the Pelvic Floor Muscles (often known as PC or Kegel muscles in addition to friction from moving your legs up and down, so if you can combine those with your lovemaking (without breaking your partner), then you may be able to achieve them during sex as well as during your workout. I suggest you try to incorporate these movements into a session of self pleasure (masturbation) and see how you go.

You mention planning to invest in the Smart Balls which is an excellent idea. Smart balls tone and strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which for many women makes it more likely for you to orgasm and gives you greater awareness of your orgasmic response. You can wear Smart balls to the gym too!
Also excellent are Luna Beads, which comes as two weighted sets - exercising your insides and building resistance.

Another recommendation to make it more likely for you to orgasm is to use Purr Gel. This is a clitoral arousal gel which encourages your clitoris to become fully aroused. It is very effective and we receive lots of positive feedback about its orgasm enhancing effects.

In terms of techniques make sure that if you enjoy clitoral stimulation that your sexual partner is giving your clitoris the attention it deserves during sex play. The majority of women do require direct clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. You can both have fun together replicating your yoga moves during sex and lots of laughs which often helps you relax. Sometimes the pressure of not being able to orgasm can detract from sex being fun. Make sure you enjoy the journey and remember not to juts focus on orgasm as the outcome. Having the focus being solely on your pleasure during sex play might be just the ticket and every woman deserves to have times where your pleasure is at the forefront. The thing about achieving orgasm is that is a combination of muscular tension and release, often relaxing a little and taking the pressure off can work wonders.

Also ensure you are using a quality water based lubricant such as YES during penetration which enhances pleasure and reduces friction.

Check out the D.VICE Advice radio shows about Orgasm –there are lots of great tips to enhance your orgasmic journey!

Hi Unsure,

At D.VICE we have found Vaginismus seems to affect quite a few women. However the great news is we have found many of our customers have been able to overcome this and experience vaginal penetration that is both pleasurable and orgasmic.

As the majority of women require direct clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm often having sexual contact that only involves external stimulation for a while can take the pressure off. Whilst this may be a big ask for some sexual partners there are of course many other ways to pleasure each other.

Definitely experimenting during self pleasure means you are in total control of the penetration and not is the position of having to please someone else. Just taking the pressure off and giving yourself permission to relax and enjoy the sexual sensation sin your body can have a positive effect. Ensure you are fully aroused before attempting penetration and it is essential to use a good quality waterbased lubricant. It will help immensely with penetration of any size (be it your finger, a toy, or a penis), by slicking and smoothing the way, decreasing the friction and reducing some of the pain from your spasms.
YES is a totally organic lube that is proving very popular with D.VICE customers and Probe has been the top selling lubricant at D.VICE for many years

In terms of toys I would recommend stating off which a high quality silicone toy designed for penetration such as a Silicone dildo. Silicone is an amazing feeling material and is soft enough to insert easily but firm enough to give great pleasure. It is also a very friendly feeling product as it heats up to the body temperature. The best way to check out the sizes is to go into a D.VICE shop, but if there is not a shop located close to you the measurements are listed on the website and in the catalogue. You can phone 0800 739 8697 if you would like a catalogue sent out to you. Babe dildo is quite slender, and the Sweetie is even slimmer. However many women with vaginismis prefer to start off with either the Pendant (about the size of a finger) or the Jewel (often the rippled shape allows your muscles to stretch just a little and then relax). Whilst these are both designed as anal toys they fine for vaginal use and have a flared base so are easy to use.

Another option for many women is to use a vibrating toy which may aid the relaxation of the vaginal muscles. I would recommend a silicone toy again for enhanced pleasure. The Fun Factory range of Mini Vibrators are excellent quality being designed and manufactured in Germany. Little Paul is petite, flexible and offers a variety of vibrating options. For a special treat check out the stunning Lelo range, designed in Sweden and fully rechargeable. Both the Gigi and Liv are petite and receiving rave reviews!

Most of all make sure you have a great level of communication with your sexual partner, take it slow and stay positive. Vaginismus can be overcome and the healing journey can be both enjoyable and pleasurable.

Hi Bru

The Rock Chick is a fantastic toy to use either solo or with a partner. If you're playing with a partner, using the Rock Chick means that you can keep your hands free to torment them while the toy vibrates you to orgasm. You can 'rock' against your partner with the Rock chick inserted stimulating your g-spot and adding the motion to the stimulation of your clitoris. If you enjoy double penetration the Rock chick is ideal, with the Rock chick inserted vaginally your partner can penrate you anally at the same time AND stimulate your clitoris by moving the Rock chick. If you like to use a strap-on, you can wear the Rock Chick beneath the harness and get yourself off while thrusting away!

The Rock Chick is not designed to be used remotely at all. The bullet vibrator is removable, but can only be controlled by pressing the button on the bullet. If you and your partner are playing long-distance, though, you can always tell them how to move, when to rock on the toy, when to turn the vibrator on and off - use your imagination!

The Rock Chick is made of medical-grade silicone, and is 100% waterproof. You can rock in the bath or the shower, the spa or the pool.

Our testing team of D.VICE gals love the Rock Chick. We hope you do too!

Dear Chicken,

Have no fear, you are not alone in this situation. A lot of women need some form of clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Intercourse doesn't always provide that or it can take a very long time to provide enough stimulation to reach orgasm.

A vibrating cockring is a good way to provide clitoral stimulation during penetration. They are the toys that provide pleasure for two. A cockring helps keep the blood inside the penis, and your man will feel the vibrations through the ring piece, while the bullet and clitoral stimulator is where it's all happening for you. The Naughty Bunny is a very popular cockring for this, especially when you are on top and in control of the speed and intensity of the vibrations it provides. The Kiwi and the Tuatara are hugely popular being made of 100% silicone. They both come in a sexy tool box and the vibrating bullets are removable for use on other erotic zones.

If you want to get those orgasms going or to enhance them, applying some Purr Gel to the under side of the clitoris beforehand can help stimulate and arouse you by promoting clitoral responsiveness and can intensify your sensation of orgasm. It causes the blood vessels in the clitoris to dilate, therefore encouraging you to become fully aroused. Many women experience an increase in personal lubrication and find it easier to reach orgasm.

Maybe you could also ask your husband to give you lots of all over sexy attention with your new toys so you can be fully aroused before penerative sex.

Good Luck!

Hi AA
You're in luck! D.VICE stores are R16, so you are welcome to come in and check out the range of Love balls. I reccomend the Fun Factory Smartballs as the best option. Due to the fact that at D.VICE we do not sell any pornography (dvd's, mags, video) the stores are not R18.

Instead you'll find and amazing sekection of sex toys and accessoroes along with helpful staff who can answer all your questions and ensure you feel empowered and comfortable.

Don't be offended if you get asked for ID... we do have to check that people are aged 16 or over...

Happy shopping!

Hi AA,

You probably know the saying "All good things take time"? Well, that goes for good anal sex too!

Our Anal Sex information on the Sex Info tab on our website has a lot of information about how to successfully introduce anal play into your relationship. Additionally, our D.VICE Advice radio show on Anal Play also contains a lot of useful tips.

Have you been using lubricant? It's totally essential for enjoying anal sex, as the anal area is not self-lubricating. Lubexxx is ideal for anal play, as it does not dry out.

If you are experiencing discomfort or pain during penetration, this is usually caused by the muscles going into spasm. Either pause before continuing or stop and try again. You may wish to try with a small buttplug or finger before attempting with the penis. Condoms are essential for safe sex and are an easy way to keep your body and toys clean.

There is a very good muscle relaxant (all natural) called Innuendo. You massage a small amount around the anus before penetration. This allows the muscles to relax and prevents spasm. It also prevents any after pain. Once you become more accustomed to anal penetration and find you can control the muscle spasm you may not need to use it. I do recommend Innuendo when starting out, as well as lubricant.

Jewel is our most popular style of buttplug with its undulating shape bringing pleasure to many. D.VICE dildos and buttplugs can be easily cleaned and have no sharp edges.

Keeping the lines of communication open and clear will enhance all aspects of not just your sex life, but other parts of your life too.

Hi Pegging

Yes the new Fun Factory Share XL is gorgeous! Definately more substantial than the original Share and a stunning design for added sensation. They are currently in stock in D.VICE stores but do not appear to be loaded on the website. I'll check out why this is and ensure the Share XL is loaded online soon...

It's definately a great addtion to your toy collection

Hi Bru and Missy

Hope you are both loving your Rock chick. There are some great tips for use in the Rock chick reviews on ou website. Also check out the Rock chick review I did recently for the new website www.flossie.com. Not sure itf it's live yet but the site is well worth a peak and the review will be up soon...

The 'Rockin moves' video footage is available to view at www.rock-chick.com. There is a link on the front page and it will play automatically -when you hear the opera you know you're about to see all the Rock chick moves!

Enjoy!

Hi 'a lovable missy'

Thanks for listening to the D.VICE advice radio show -I hope you've picked up some tips!

The 'Rockin moves' video footage is available to view at www.rock-chick.com. There is a link on the front page and it will play automatically -when you hear the opera you know you're about to see all the Rock chick moves!

The Rock chick is also perfect to pop in and use for pleasure on those long road trips. Not that I'm suggesting you indulge in self pleasue whilst driving! But the passenger seat is great and if you do have your hands on the wheel it can of course be used totally hands free...

enjoy!

Dear shy
Thanks for sending through this question. Many people are concerned about their puchases remaining confidential.
Discretion is of the utmost impotance to us and we do everythign we can to ensure your puchase is totally confidential.
Any purchases you make will be sent out either in a NZ courier bag or wrapped in plain brown wrapping paper with courier stickers. There is absoloutely no branding or any way to determine the package is from D.VICE. The senders address will be LLM Ltd which is our company name. If you would like 'Privte and Confidential' written on the package just specify when making your purchase.
Happy shopping!