D.VICE Advice live 10.30pm Saturday nights on KiwiFM with Angelina (KiwiFM) & Ema (D.VICE)
A stimulating half hour discussion about sex, tips, sex toys, giveaways and answers to your questions about sex techniques, sexuality, sex toys and sex realted problems.
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Me & my boyfriend have been together for 3yrs. We have had this issue for a long time but I have no ideas to fix it, so I guess I ignored it. I have zero sex drive (I hate it!), and my boyfriend has high [sexual] needs. He places all the blame on me and threatens to leave me which I definitely don't want and neither does he. I've tried to solve the problem by just letting him do it anyway, but I end up feeling raped and like he doesn't have any respect for me. And the fact that i don't like sex causes me to resent it even more. The more he pushes the more I hate it. It's gotten so bad that I can't even let him kiss or cuddle me or even touch me because he always turns it into a grope fest. I've tried counselling but can't get an appointment for so long and I'm afraid it will be too late!
Llama answered:This is one of those things that you really do need to discuss with your counsellor. It sounds like you haven't actually spoken to one yet - and with your responses as they are, it might take some time to get to the bottom of. Unfortunately there are no quick and easy fixes for every problem that comes up. However, if you approach this with honesty, communication and love (for yourself and your boyfriend) you are much more likely to understand yourself more and come to a place where affection and sex are a possibility that you welcome.
What is the best way to clean a toy? Do I use soap and water... or buy a cleaning product?
Llama answered:Well, it entirely depends on the toy. If it is a waterproof toy you can submerge it completely in water and use a soap to give it a good clean. If it is not waterproof, make sure that you don't get any of the controller or wires wet. Use a damp cloth with soap to clean it. Whether it is submerged or not, always make sure that all soap residue has been cleaned off - soap and sensitive genitals do not mix! A purpose bought cleaner is not necessary.
I am wondering if you could recomend a good clitoral stimulator... like a lube or a gel. I recently tried this stuff called 'Orgasmix' and was really unsatisfied. I didn't feel anything out of the ordinary but it did get me interested. I feel like trying something new during masturbation. I'm a little scared to experiment but not at all shy. Any tips out there for anything?(Gels, toys.. besides the basic vibrator/dildo, and anything else you can recommend) I really need to try something new....
Llama answered:You would probably like our PURR Gel. We like it a lot, and it is the brand that we confidently recommend.
My boyfriend and I used to have great sex, sometimes staying in bed all day on a Saturday. Over the last few months it's only lasted for around 5 minutes and I'm lucky if I get another 5 minutes later on! I really care about him and I don't want to let him know how disappointed I am. What can I do to help him? In the meantime I've stocked up a bit on your merchandise!
Llama answered:Is it lasting only 5 minutes because he is ejaculating prematurely? And I guess if you really care about him as you say, you will respect his right and need to understand how your sex life is impacting on you. Honesty is not a betrayal. Have a good think about how you might like to broach the subject and give him the information that he needs in order to lift his game. He's obviously strong enough to attract you in the first place, so I'm sure he can deal with a discussion on what you like and don't like about this.
Hi I was wondering about information on starting a D.VICE franchise in Hawkes Bay...
Llama answered:Feel free to email me directly on info@dvice.co.nz
I have always loved anal play and recently achieved self fisting. Is there any hope for introducing any kind of anal play with women?
Llama answered:There's always hope! Many women enjoy anal sex - though the subject is so taboo it's difficult to broach it in a way that doesn't result in a handbag around the ears type response... In terms of your approach with a lover, like anything that is new, start off gently and with less intense types of activities. If they go down well, introduce more activities - like anything, people like to play and have adventures, and anal sex can be both.
Where can I buy a hitachi magic wand massager in New Zealand?
Llama answered:As far as I know, nowhere. Your best bet is to order online from an overseas website.
Hi there. I have heard sex drive and stamina slow down with age. Is that true? Why is that? Just because I am getting unfit or because my days are getting busier? If at all, at what age can I expect to slow down with sexual acrobatics and sexual marathons? I have never been very adventurous, so what would be the best way(s) to keep a reasonably active sex life without taking pills?
Llama answered:It is true that libido does tend to wan with age, though this is not a hard or fast rule. For a start off, being concerned with maintaining your sexual interest is a good thing. Also, self-maintenance in all areas of your life will help. For example, maintaining your fitness, health, social life, hobbies etc etc. It might seem strange to say that these impact on your sexual "acrobaticness", but the more vigorous and alive that you feel, the more likely your sexual livelihood will flourish.
My new boyfriend is amazing in bed, but he won't go down on me. He says he's never tasted one that he didn't hate, and that it's a bitter taste. I really really want him to go down on me, but before I try and convince him I want to make sure I taste good. I've read that cigarettes, alcohol and drugs make it bad, and I don't do those things, but is there anything that will make me taste really good so he changes his mind about this? It's driving me crazy!!!
answered:Tis amazing how often women tell me that their lover will not go down on them - does he expect you to go down on him? Perhaps you could point out that he doesn't taste like a lollipop, but that you still enjoy him or are willing to give him pleasure.
As far as your taste and smell go, women are naturally slightly sweet and musky tasting. If the ph of the vagina is out of balance this will affect a women's taste. Food & drink affect how a women tastes – avoid coffee, beer garlic and spicy foods. I can understand your cunnilingus frustration - more than 75% of women rate oral sex as their favourite!
As far as your taste and smell go, women are naturally slightly sweet and musky tasting. If the ph of the vagina is out of balance this will affect a women's taste. Food & drink affect how a women tastes – avoid coffee, beer garlic and spicy foods. I can understand your cunnilingus frustration - more than 75% of women rate oral sex as their favourite!
I'm 18 and I am uncircumsized. I had unprotected sex with a girl about a week ago that I've never met before (very very stupid) and the day after I found small red dots on the head of my penis and under the foreskin. The day after that there were more dots and today they are kind of like sores. It doesn't hurt much but it is kind of sensitive. Are these red dots signs of herpes??? I really don't want to go to the doctor because if I do that, I have to tell my parents what's going on and my parents still think I'm a virgin. I really hope you can help me with my question. Thank you.
Llama answered:You have to have this seen to as soon as possible - if you continue to be sexually active, and you know that you haven't got a clean bill of sexual health, you're not being as respectful and careful as you can be. Besides that, your sexual health is important and you deserve to be in the best condition that you can. It is likely that what you have is very easy to treat, and will be no big deal. Most cities in NZ have a sexual health clinic which is free and confidential - have a look in your phone book. GPs are also required to provide a confidential service still I believe.
I have had a few sexual partners. However despite enjoying it, I never orgasm during sex. I tried using a vibrator but whenever I feel I'm getting close I get an overwhelming sensation to urinate. If I carry on through this sensation (which is still pleasurable) I always spurt out some clear liquid. Could this be female ejaculation? I read that women only ejaculate once the g-spot is aroused and I only use the vibrator on my clitors - so I'm a little confused. Also after the liquid comes out I dont feel like I have had an orgasm - is female ejaculation and orgasm the same thing? Many thanks!
Llama answered:It sounds to me like the clear liquid is indeed ejaculate. In most cases, as you've said, this is as a result of g-spot stimulation. However, everyone is different - perhaps you tighten your pelvic floor muscles to such a degree that this is your orgasmic expression? Orgasm usually accompanies ejaculation for both men and women. There is the possibility that your orgasms are just milder and may not give you the full release feeling that you might be after. You might like to try adjusting the way that you masturbate - keep your stomach muscles loose, change positions, take your time or speed things up. If you embark on an adventure in self-loving and exploration, you are bound to find that your responses will change.
Hey, Doc Johnson has a new device called the Men's Pleasure Wand i was wondering if you guys will ever have this and if so when will it be available...? Cheers
Llama answered:I haven't come across this one yet. We're always on the look out for good products, and new things are coming out all of the time - keep an eye on us! If I spot something that looks likely, I'll keep your request in mind.
I am 'new to the life.' I have been with men all of my life now I find women very sensual and sexy. My lady love wants to use a strap on with me. My question is will she get clitoral stimulation from this or is it only for me?
Llama answered:Oftentimes women do have some type of clitoral or sensuous stimulation from using a dildo and harness. Whether she does or doesn't however, she will undoubtably receive a lot of pleasure from doing this activity with you, or she wouldn't have asked to do it. There can sometimes be too much attention paid to physical stimulation, and less acknowledgement of the emotional and erotic stimulation of giving someone else pleasure.
I am looking for a harness to keep my butt plug and my dildo all snug and in place inside me do you have one?
Llama answered:The best harness that we have for this is the Groover G-String.
Is it safe to use a vibrator when pregnant?
Llama answered:We don't like to muck around with pregnancy. I recommend that you ask your midwife or doctor. Intercourse is usually fine, so I expect that you'll get the go ahead.
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