Dear virgin

There could be any number of reasons why you may be having difficulty reaching the point of orgasm. It is quite a common issue with women, so don't feel that you are alone in this. Have you had a good read through this forum? Under 'orgasms' we have had a lot of questions quite similar to yours.
Where a woman is in her menstrual cycle and having a strong, healthy pelvic floor can affect orgasms.
Smartballs are a smart, fun way to strengthen those all important muscles down there. You may have to ensure you allow enough time for arousal prior to actually reaching that orgasm high point. You could also try using a clitoral arousal gel like Purr Gel. It will help to promote responsiveness in the clitoris.
During the 'arousal stage' try and use more teasing techniques to encourage yourself to be more turned on and tuned in to your body and what sensations you enjoy. Maybe you could read an erotic story or explore the realm of fantasty. If you are playing with a partner, get them involved with play time, and ask them to not touch your nether regions at all, maybe in the general location to tease you, but not 'there'...(not just yet anyway!) The general idea is to get you to the point of being quite worked up so that your body really wants that orgasm. Then you may like your partner to try some oral techniques - many women enjoy oral sex to the point of orgasm.
You may not need to use vibrators like those you have mentioned, it may just be a matter of trying different techniques. The Laya Spot is one of our customer favourites which has some fantastic pulsing functions as well as varying constant vibration speeds. The useful thing about this toy is that you can start out on a slow gentle speed and work your way up as your body gets more worked up. If the excitement just gets too hot to handle, you can bring yourself back down to earth (if you really want to). You may like a toy that can put a wee bit more pressure on the clitoris, rather than a toy that gives a more tickling sensation. You could also try using the Laya Spot with a rubbing technique, whereby you actually lay on top of the toy. The curve of the Laya Spot is shaped perfectly for this.
The Tuatara is one of our most popular vibrating cockrings, which may assist you during penetration. The best position for a woman while using a toy like this is on top, so that she can be in control of her destiny.
Always use a good lubricant like Probe or Lubexxx with or without toys, as lubricant helps to make all sex much more fun.
Don't give up on your hunt for the elusive O....trying out many different techniques to find the one that's just right for you.
The Hitachi Magic wand is not currently available in NZ and we do not currently stock the Cone.
The Fun Factory rechargeable vibes Intensity & Reality have very powerful vibrations and recharge using mains power. Our customers rave about these toys -check out some of the excellent reviews.
Good luck!

Dear nicky

If a male ejaculates while having anal intercourse, some of that ejaculate is absorbed otherwise the majority of it will spill out, maybe over a period of time.
Like vaginal intercourse, unprotected anal intercourse is high risk for many sexually transmitted diseases including HIV. Using condoms during anal sex decreases the risk of any infection.
While condoms work well most of the time, they are more likely to break during anal sex, so use a good lubricant like Probe or Lubexxx to reduce the chances of breakage and of course, using one of these lubricants will enhance the whole experience.
We also have a fantastic product called Innuendo which is designed to help relax the anal muscles for more pleasuable penetration.
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (please keep an eye on our website for this book, we are expecting more in stock very soon!) has some excellent pointers and is very informative. You can also learn more about anal sex by reading the Sex Info section or listening to the D.VICE Advice Radio Show on anal play.
It's really important that as well as practicing safe sex you ensure that anal play is pleasuable for you as the receptive person too...

Plan to play safely!

Dear LADY

It pays to ensure your bowel and bladder are empty by going to the toilet before anal penetration. Some people like to douche prior to anal activity, but it is not totally necessary. As long as the anus is cleaned externally and you usually have regular bowel motions,it should be fine, because the bowel usually totally empties when we have a bowel movement.

Have a read of the Anal Sex information under the Sex Info tab on our home page. Here you can read about anal health and hygiene.

If you have a male partner and he has hygiene concerns, it is best that he wear a condom during penetration.

Dear First Time Fister

For many, the term fisting can sound like it is an act that is done hard out, but in fact it is quite the opposite. It requires patience, trust, arousal, time and plenty of lubrication.

Firstly, ensure that the receptive person is highly aroused - spend lots of time doing whatever it is that really turns them on. Fisting can be very intense so make sure the receiver is very relaxed before attempting fisting, and whoever is to be the receptive person should be the one in control of the situation. Trust is also important, so if there is a call to stop the action, then it should stop there.
Make sure you have lots of lube like Probe or Lubexxx on hand (pardon the pun) and be prepared to reapply as often as is required. Being safe and sexy can be fabulous with latex gloves, especially with lots of lube! It's also a good idea for the receptive person to have emptied their bladder and make sure they do not have a full rectum.
When the time comes for inserting the hand, the idea is to make the hand as small as possible. However you don't actually curl the hand into a fist until it is inserted. You can achieve this by cupping your thumb into your palm and bringing your outer two fingers inside the middle two. Insert the hand palm down with the fingers first and slowly rotate while gently pushing inside. Go slow and allow the muscles to relax. Giving some oal stimulation to the clitoris at the same time can be a good idea. Getting the knuckles through is the hardest part so add more lubrication if required and make sure the receptive person takes nice deep breaths and tries to relax through it. A slight rotation of the wrist should be all that is required to get past the pubic bone and inside the vagina. The vaginal muscles may actually suck your hand inside...
The hand will naturally curl up once inside. Once inside you can hold still, gently move in and out or gently rotate the wrist. Vey little movement is requied for amazing sensation.
Vaginal fisting can provide pressure on the g spot and if the receptive person reaches orgasm while being penetrated, it is not a good idea to pull the hand out in a hurry. In fact sometimes the muscles will contract vey tightly squeezing your hand and you have to wait for them to relax before pulling out. The receptive partner can help this by using the pelvic floor muscles to push out and the breathe your hand out.
Fisting can be very intense and make the receptive person feel quite vulnerable, so remember it is that receptive person's pleasure which is the goal here, so respect their wishes. It may take a few sessions for your girl to be able to take your whole hand inside. However patience is the key to fisting... go slow, stay postive and have fun in the process.
Happily it sounds like you both want to give it another try...good luck!

Dear fern

We're glad that you enjoy our website and have splashed out on starting your toy collection. We have some great Toy & Vibrator bags which are fantastic to store those toys and keep them dust free. Good old soap and warm water is fine to clean down your toys or some people like to use anti bacterial wipes. If using soap, just ensure the toys are rinsed thoroughly to remove any soap residue. Letting them air dry is the better than using a towel on them.
Our silicone dildos can be boiled for up to three to four minutes in water if you wish too. And using fresh condoms is also hygienic, especially for use between partners.

Dear shy

The receptive person on top is one of the top five preferred positions with couples. Have a wee read of the Penetrative Sexction of the Sex Info about what makes this position so good for lots of people.

You say you don't enjoy this position so you obviously do it to please your partner? Communication is a key ingredient in any relationship so why don't you talk to your man about how you feel being in this position? It is quite common for a young man to be revved up and ready to go a lot sooner than a woman, so it could be useful for you to be more aroused before attempting penetrative sex. Try and take back a little more control on the situation and get more comfortable when on top before proceeding. Ask your man to encourage you with some verbal communication while you are on top of him and look deeply into his eyes.

Maybe you could try straddling yourself over your man on your knees. In this position, you will have control on the depth, angle and speed of penetration you want to receive. Our most popular selling book is The Kama Sutra pocket size book is filled to the brim with all sorts of different positions. Try experimenting with a few that intrigue you and make sure you both have fun if nothing else while giving them a go!

You could also hire a sexy dvd and watch how other women perform on top. This will mean that you will have to have a bit of a read of the movies that are available first to ensure the content is what you are looking for. But this can be a good way to see how others do it.

Make sure you use a good lubricant like Probe or Lubexxx during any sexual activity and especially for more comfortable and enjoyable penetrative sex.

If you would like to learn a bit more about different types of great penetrative sex, have a listen in to our radio show which aired on 22 September.

Good luck and remember to relax and enjoy yourself!

Dear ACil

I'm assuming that you are a male, so with that in mind the first thing I would mention, is that often females can take longer to reach the point of orgasm than males and a lot of women enjoy lots of pleasure and stimulation prior to partaking in intercourse and reaching orgasm.

If you believe that you are spending time and giving your girl lots of that special attention, then maybe you both would like to try using a vibrating cockring like the Naughty Bunny or the Kiwi. Both are very popular toys for couples to use together. The vibration on both of these help to stimulate the clitoris and the Kiwi has two vibrating bullets, one for her and one for him.
Are you using a good lubricant like Probe Silky Light or Probe Thick Rich during your sex play? Lubricant can help make things even more pleasurable. Also you might want to take a look at the Purr Gel. This clitoral arousal gel can help promote responsiveness and make it easier for her to reach orgasm.

Dear sexygayboy

There is loads of fun to be had even without a partner to play with, but we definitely wouldn't recommend using any household objects as sex toys because that isn't what they were designed for.

Well designed anal toys should not have any sharp edges and should also have either a flared base or be shaped in a way that will allow a part of the toy to remain outside of the body and not get lost in the anal canal. If you are wanting some great solo anal play I would suggest you check out the popular men's g-spot toys, Nexus Glide or if you are wanting something a wee bit more substantial, the Nexus Excel is a good choice. Our newest G Spot toy for guys is the Rude Boy and this is proving to be very popular! It is made of 100% silicone and vibrates. Check out the reviews on this product.

Of course a good lubricant like Probe or Lubexxx is essential for anal pleasure and for use with all sex toys.
If you are keen to have a penis shaped toy to use, then you can't go past our fantastic silicone dildos! The Boss is a popular choice and quite substantial, but if you think you might like something even more challenging, then the Sire is the boy for you. Both these guys can be hand held or strapped on in one of our harnesses. An alternative to our popular jockey style harnesses that you could use alone is the Garter, which is designed to be strapped to a persons thigh, stomach or back, and for you even to a chair!
And of course we make some amazing silicone butt plugs. Gem and Pearl are designed to be hand held. If you want a toy with that typical rippling butt plug shape that can be either hand held or strapped on then Sweetie and Darling are two great toys to choose from.

All of these toys can come out and play with or without a partner!

We have some useful written information in the Sex Info section of our website, or if listening is more your thing you can tune in to our podcast. We have dedicated the show on the 25th of August to Anal Play & Pleasure.

Dear rose

It's actually not too unusual for this to happen apparently! The move of choice to achieve this are hanging leg raises. I'd say you are probably quite a fit person for this to come about or maybe it's because you have an orgasm that you like to go for a run!

Some women require a build up of tension in the legs to orgasm. This, coupled with the release of endorphins and dopamine which are necessary for orgasms to happen, can bring about what some have called the 'coregasm'. The core part of this new word relates to doing core exercises.

There is also a belief that having nice strong pelvic floor muscles contributes to these mini or ton of bricks orgasms while exercising. Using Smartballs is a great way to strengthen the pelvic floor. Wearing them while exercising brings about the best results and who knows, they may help bring about those 'coregasms' while worn at the gym or out running. Just using them regularly can bring about orgasmic rewards.

Orgasms while out running, brings a new meaning to the term 'runners high'. The only warning would be to make sure your form isn't being compromised in the quest to see if you can experience a 'coregasm'

Keep up the fun and fitness for more rewards!

Dear fitzie

It's great that your guy wants to fool around with you and your toy. He must be a secure kinda guy - go with the flow I say!
You may feel a wee bit hesitant because you feel less experienced than he. Maybe this is not as bad as you think it might be. Why not let him take the lead and show you what he knows. As long as you trust him to be careful with your feelings and you know he will stop if you ask him to, then try it this way.
He may like it if you show him how you use it on yourself when you're home alone. Guys often enjoy being the voyeur and you don't need to worry that you may think you look silly because it's about being able to let yourself go a little and show that part of you that not everyone gets to see. It can feel great to be able to let yourself go and just be that sexual being that you often might feel like but are hesitant to show to others.
Lots of guys enjoy vibration on their balls, nipples or perineum. And whatever type of vibrator you already have is fine to use outside of his body, but it may not be suitable for penetrative use. If you think your man is considering a toy for anal stimulation and penetration then there are a few safety guidelines for this. Make sure you have plenty of lubricant like Probe or Lubexxx to use and when considering using sex toys for anal pleasure ensure that a part of that toy always remains outside the body. Many anal toys have a flared base to allow the toy to sit between the butt cheeks. The Rude Boy is a fantastic vibrating boys G spot toy that is new to our range and the Nexus Glide and Excel are both very popular boy toys used to stimulate the prostate and perineum areas, so you may like to take a look at these on our website together sometime. He might think it's great that you have taken the initiative to consider the next step in your adventures together.
Have fun and enjoy!

Dear Just Wandering

Great to hear you're enjoying your D.VICE purchase!

Well, by the time you get to read this reply, there will be even less time until your man is home again. Sounds like you've been missing him and can't wait for his return and that's great. You may be experiencing a higher than your usual libido at the moment because your man is not there right by your side and if you are happy using your new toy 4 to 5 times a week, then that's fine. 'Normal' is what you want it to be, it's different for everyone. You may find that you may use it less when your man is home, or maybe you will use it more often together.

Guys tend to be very visual creatures and often like to watch acts of a sexual nature. It sounds like you two may not have been together too long, otherwise I would have guessed that you may have already known if your man enjoyed 'watching', whether it be you, a sexy movie or looking at naughty pictures.

I'm wondering if what you are really asking is how he might feel about you using a toy while he has been away or whether he would be happy for you to use it in his presence? Sometimes guys can feel insecure when their partner uses a toy. It is definitely something you should both talk about. Introducing toys into a relationship could be tricky, it really depends on how you approach the subject and how well you know him as to how he will react.

I assume you have had some contact with him while he has been away. In whatever form this has taken, next time you are in contact with each other why don't you tell him how much you have missed him and can't wait till he is home again. You might like to tell him what you want to do to him when he is there with you again. You may even like to be quite suggestive and ask him if he would like to watch what you have been doing while thinking and wanting him while he's been away. You might like to leave this til you are both actually in each other's company and whisper it sexily in his ear. If you think it may be something he needs time to absorb to come around, then telling him before he comes home may be a good idea, otherwise leave it till you are together and you can gauge how he is with it. It's definitely easier to spend time and communicate when you are face to face.

Remember, guys can enjoy the use of a vibrator too. If he is willing, try it out on his nipples, balls or perineum. You may find he is totally into it. You both might like to try a vibrating cock ring like the Naughty Bunny. Have a read of all the satisfied couples who have purchased this toy. Good luck!

Dear Interested
Great you enjoyed the show! and thanks for the positive feedback.
Spanking does stimulate the body to produce endorphins straight away, as this is an automatic response to intense sensation. Endorphins are also produced when you are sexually aroused. However after consistent stimulation for approximately 15-20 mins the body responds with an increase in endorphine release. Many people experience this as quite a different sensation. You can vary the sensation and use different toys to achieve this. Begining with the tails of the Sensual Whip for instance and gradually increasing the pressure and intensity and then moving onto the Spanker (please call us on 0800 739 8697 to track one of these down - we are currently out of stock in Wellington, so they are not coming up on our website, but we have some in other locations!) gives vaiety of sensation.
With the Spanker make sure you leave time between each spank for the reciever to fully experience the delicious sting... you can caress the area with your hand after the spank or leave the area smarting... If you Blindfold your partner this will enhance sensation... the element of suprise means they do not know when to expect the next spank...
So in answer to your question, the spanking does not have to be continuous, but consistent and sustained.
Enjoy!

Dear jue

There could be a number of reasons why a woman cannot reach orgasm.

If you take a look through this forum you will see that this is a very common question. Without any further detailed information, it is difficult to be more specific for you and your situation.

We also have information about orgasm that you can listen to via our podcast which you will find on the advice page of the website. The show on the 14 July is all about Female Orgasm.

If not being able to orgasm may be the result of some type of traumatic experience, then professional help would be advised to work through the problem.

But,in most cases, it's a matter of knowing how to get turned on in the first place. For some women, they enjoy masturbation manually or with the help of a toy. Others can orgasm via anal or vaginal penetration, while others might get off on g spot or oral stimulation. Some may indeed be lucky enough to reach orgasm by more than one means.

Often you may need to get in the mood, which could mean making time to indulge yourself in some special way. Many women enjoy some form of visual or aural stimulation to get in the mood. While others may find reading some kind of erotic story first does it for them. And of course there is fantasy to help keep your mind on the job and get in the mood and dressing for the occasion can help make you feel and look sexy. All these things and many others can help get things going in the first place.
It's a good idea not to make the big 'O' your sole focus and purpose when you set out on sexy adventures, because sometimes, that in itself can stop it happening. The idea is to enjoy the journey.

If you spend some alone time to 'love yourself'and experiment you may find that orgasm just around the corner, or maybe it's going to take a bit more time.

You could consider using a vibrator like the Laya Spot (will be back in stock as of 8 October 2007. It can be used on the clitoris or for vaginal penetration. The vibrations start out nice and gentle and work their way up to a more powerful level, then it goes into different pulsing sensations. Excellent way to find out what type of stimulation you enjoy. A vibrator can provide that constant stimulation that is sometimes required to reach your full potential. Also, we have a great clitoral arousal gel called Purr Gel. It can help to get the blood moving in the clitoris, which is generally what gets those orgasms going.

If you decide to start out and experiment, don't be disheartened along the way, if at first you don't succeed, just try and try again, and remember to relax and enjoy yourself.

Dear nmtcnp

Yes, it is indeed possible to overcome your fear with practice and some support and understanding from your partner.

Often when we try something new, it can take us some time and practice until we master the task at hand. If you have only ever been used to reaching orgasm and ejaculation by masturbating yourself, it can take a little while to introduce some new techniques to your repetoire.

I'm assuming you are in a fairly new relationship and this happened when you attempted penetration. There's a good chance the lady concerned would have noticed this happening....how did she react at the time? Did the way she react, hurt your feelings? If she was supportive at the time, that's great, her being supportive will help you through this experience. It's worth taking some time to talk with her about it, and give it another try some time. She indeed may be able to help keep your erection by providing you with oral or manual stimulation. You could use a cock ring like the Bridle. The pressure of the cock ring will help to achieve and maintain your erection.

The latest shipment of masturbators for guys has just landed, so check out the website for them. Masturbators are very popular and should be used with a good lubricant like Probe or Lubexxx. The lubricant will ensure a nice smooth feeling when penetrating the toy. A masturbator would be a good way for you to learn to enjoy and master the art of penetration in privacy should you wish to practice alone before trying out the real thing again.

When you do get the opportunity to have sexual intercourse again, remember to use either of the lubricants mentioned above, because using a lubricant will increase sensation and make sex more comfortable and pleasurable for you both.